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Grant me the serenity to accept the hardware I cannot upgrade, the courage to change the software I can, and wisdom to know the difference.
Step One
We admitted to Jason, the pimply faced salesman at Computers 'R Us, that we were powerless to organize -- that our lives had become unmanageable. He sold us a desktop CPU, flat-screen monitor and a laser printer. There was no going back.
Step Two
Having plugged in all the equipment, replaced a fuse, and purchased a power strip, we came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore our data when we accidentally deleted it. We put our trust in the Recycle Bin. Another successful marketing strategy captured our attention and we found ourselves believing in the wonder of Windows XP.
Step Three
We made a decision, after discovering e-mail and the Internet, to turn our will and our lives over to the care of Microsoft Outlook, as we understood it. We entered all our contacts and appointments into Outlook, sent out e-mails, and experienced joy.
Step Four
We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves when a virus crashed the system and sent a pornographic message to all our contacts. We returned to Jason at Computers 'R Us and bought antivirus protection with a year of automatic updates.
Step Five
We admitted to ourselves, and to another human being in line at the computer store, the exact nature of our wrongs. This friend suggested an upgrade to a faster, sleeker computer, but we resisted the temptation to stray.
Step Six
We were entirely ready to have Microsoft remove all the defects in all computer systems, and put our faith in Windows Update. We believed that true system integrity might one day happen, but by the time we left the store, we no longer believed that it would happen during our time on this planet.
Step Seven
We humbly asked other users to forgive our shortcomings in failing to install virus protection earlier. We disavowed any interest in online pornography.
Step Eight
When returned to full operational power, we installed new, yet incompatible software. We recorded a list of all the files we had harmed based on the guidance of the blue error message. We became willing to make amends for them all and learned how to reinstall Windows XP.
Step Nine
We made direct amends during future installations by setting restore points prior to installations and restoring files whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
Step Ten
We continued to take personal and system wide inventory and run virus scans. When we discovered evil, we promptly quarantined files, re-booted the system and even, reinstalled Windows XP if necessary.
Step Eleven
We sought through meditation and help files to improve our conscious contact with the registry, as we understood it, hoping for knowledge of its mastery of our computer and the power to carry that out without corrupting itself or crashing the system.
Step Twelve
Having had a organizational and efficiency-enhancing awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to new computer users everywhere.
In the end, we returned to Jason at Computers 'R Us and purchased a new laptop, so we could begin the process all over again.. We discovered the power of wireless and anticipate the satisfaction of accessing the Internet unfettered by telephone cords.
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